I’m adding “no complications or excess baggage e.g. psychotic ex-wives, needy parents, crazy friends etc.” to this list. I omitted this stipulation, unfortunately, and got stung. Big time.

Last week, I was asked the question in relation to men: “What’s your type?”. It’s a really good question. In fact, it’s a question I have been trying to answer since, well, I first started noticing boys about 40 odd years ago.

If you are anything like me, your type – and by type I mean who you are attracted to – may have changed since you were a teen. My teens and 20s were experimental, and I tried men on like clothes, seeing which ones I liked the best, which ones suited me. My 30s were spent seeking stability and fulfillment, and my 40s were spent wondering why I even bothered with men at all (I’m looking at YOU Italian breaker of hearts).

Seth Godin wrote recently:

In an organization built around perfection, you need to push people to say, “Bad news, I made a mistake.” Only by surfacing mistakes can the organization stamp them out.

In an organization built around exploration, on the other hand, people need to say, “Good news, I made a mistake.” Only by seeking things that don’t work will the group end up exploring.

In both situations, people don’t want to speak up, because we’ve been taught that mistakes should be hidden. In both situations, though, hiding them is the very worst option.

(While Seth is talking about organisations, this can relate to our personal lives too. Hands up all of you who have had failed relationships. Now, leave your hands up if you feel ashamed or guilty about your relationship failure. Now, lower your hands if you’ve embraced your errors, and haven’t made the same mistake twice. You’re welcome.)

Now in my 50th year, I’m able to differentiate type in terms of what I want in man, and what I don’t. It’s been a process of elimination. And it’s not about looks, which it was, like, totally, when I was younger. I find that as I’ve worked on myself and my own personal development, I require a high standard from potential mates. What would have been ok in my 20s in terms of behaviour is simply unacceptable in my 50s. And so it should be. I would be appalled at myself for accepting anything less than awesome* at this stage of my life.

Someone – I can’t remember who – advised me to write a list of what it is I’m looking for. Apparently such an act gets things going and shakes things up in the Universe Relationship Creation Department, and who am I to disagree? I’ve even had people tell me they have written such a list themselves, met that special someone, went back to their list and discovered their new love was EXACTLY what was requested.

To give me extra credit with the Universe and hopefully hurry things along because I’m starting to get a teensy bit impatient, I’m going to share my list with you. This is what I (currently) want in a potential mate, including negotiables and that all important bonus category.

What Diane Wants
– Single AND emotionally available
– Heterosexual (I know that sounds obvious but apparently you need to be really specific with the Universe, and I don’t want someone bisexual because I am terrible at sharing, even if it is with another man.)
– 6″ tall, or thereabouts
– Warm, tactile AND funny
– Excellent conversationalist
– Honest
– Has substance, depth AND integrity
– Adores, respects and values me
– Fit and healthy
– Attractive
– Employed
– Intelligent
– Faithful AND loyal
– Emotionally AND socially intelligent
– Lets me know in no uncertain terms that he’s interested AND makes the first move (that’s there because historically I have been the initiator and it’s time to let HIM do the work. At least in the beginning.)
– Good teeth AND a nice smile
– No addictions or addictive behaviours
– Non-smoker
– Social drinker
– Not a sociopath (or have any other personality disorders or mental health issues.)
– In it for the long haul
– Must love cats
– Brave AND courageous (I added that in recently, because so many men are weak and cowardly.)

Negotiable
– Age
– Children (as in his. I don’t want to have any more.)
– Enjoys travelling
– Creative
– Tertiary educated
– Runner
– Photographer
– Writer
– Snappy dresser
– Handy around the house
– Hair
– Tattoos and piercings

Bonus
– Looks like Tom Hardy
– Is Tom Hardy
– Independently wealthy
– Has his own island somewhere in the Mediterranean.

I’ll keep you all posted.

* According to work colleague, I am what is known as a Rock Star Chick. If you are a Rock Star Chick, it’s a given that you are awesome; HOWEVER, it takes a special sort of man to be able to deal with all your awesomeness. These men are, unfortunately, very rare.