People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel. ~ Maya Angelou
Are you ready for this? This is big. It’s what no one wants you to know. It is a secret that will change your life forever. It will give you more power and influence than you ever thought possible. You will be loved and adored by all and sundry who come into contact with you.
It’s not complicated, and it’s not hard. Anyone can do it. But few choose to.
Are you ready?
Here it is.
More than anything else, people want to be valued. And people want to be heard.
That’s it. Simple, isn’t it?
Or is it?
Think about the last time you had a conflict. I bet it happened because what you had to contribute: your perceptions, opinions, experiences, beliefs were being ignored. You were not feeling valued. You were not feeling listened to. Or you weren’t valuing or hearing someone else. Or it *seemed* like you weren’t, which is just as important. At some point in the conversation, one person decided – because it was at odds with their world view – that what the other person had to offer was not valuable. Was not worth listening to. So they switched off.
At some point, your ego, your personal agenda, your need to be right, got in the way of listening to what someone had to say and you valuing their point of view.
Hearing and valuing doesn’t mean that you have to agree with what someone says or believes. And it doesn’t mean you have to give everyone everything that they want. And it doesn’t mean you have to acquiesce to someone else’s perspective or point of view.
Quite the opposite, in fact.
What it does mean is that you have to give the other person the time and space to express themselves, even if what they say is difficult to listen to and at odds with your own views. It means you are empathetic to their situation, their position. And you let them know this with your language, your demeanor. It means putting aside your own needs, your own agenda, your own ego, your own world view and considering someone else’s from where they sit.
I told you it was hard.
Which is why it hardly ever happens.