I had no clue I was dating a covert narcissist, mainly because my boundaries had been whittled away to nothing by the sense of opportunity and complacency I’d allowed myself to develop in Vietnam. I said yes to everything that crossed my path. I remember having a conversation with another expat about the type of men I was interested in, and I replied: I’m interested in men who are interested in me. No wonder I found myself in an emotional abusive situation. Love bombing, gaslighting, ignoring red flags, intermittent reinforcement, control and manipulation — this relationship had it all. I
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There’s something really nice about being on the other side of fifty. You’ve seen it all and done it all (well, maybe not everything, but quite a lot) and you know that you don’t have too much tolerance (or time) for crap… your own or anyone else’s. You know what works for you, and conversely, what doesn’t. And if things fall into the “not working for you” camp, you can say without hesitation and without too much delay, I’m done. There’s a certain freedom that comes from knowing when you’re done, and calling it. It means you can walk away,
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Photo by Wynand van Poortvliet. Used with permission. I’ve been pondering lately. Pondering all the wisdom out there on the interwebz that says things are easy. Just do this, they say, and you’ll be living the dream in no time. It’s easy, they say. Yeah, right. If things were that easy, I’d be loved up, have an email subscription list of thousands of fans eagerly awaiting my words of wisdom, and have more freelance work than I could poke a stick at. Of course, this is not my reality. And here’s why. 1. Meeting someone special isn’t easy I have written about
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Sunday Best is a curated list of awesome articles I’ve read over the past week or so that I find enlightening, educational or just plain interesting. This week’s focus is not on stuff I’ve read, but on stuff I’ve written: my best posts for 2015—the ones that were the most read, and the ones that are my favourites. Enjoy! Most read posts Don’t make these 6 self publishing mistakes Published on August 7, this post about self publishing had close to 1000 views. Disillusioned, I wrote it after I didn’t become the overnight gazillionaire I thought I would once I embarked
Continue reading...Sunday Best is a curated list of awesome articles I’ve read over the past week or so that I find enlightening, educational or just plain interesting. This week’s focus is on consumption, and given how the focus of Christmas is buy, buy, buy, I thought it was timely. Enjoy! A big fat con Seth Godin is a thought leader everyone should read. He writes daily: pithy, usually short pieces that contain nuggets of goodness. He wrote this piece about Black Friday (which is huge in America) about what a con unconscious consumption is. We don’t need the stuff we are being urged to
Continue reading...Sunday Best is a curated list of articles I’ve read over the past week or so that I find enlightening, educational or just plain interesting. This week’s focus is on love, relationships and the dating game—all of which I’ve always struggled with. Enjoy! The mating game is changing You know how you think that it’s a man’s world when it comes to dating? Tinder, hook-ups, no commitment, few return phone calls or second dates? Turns out you were right and you weren’t imaging things, according to Psychology Today. It’s all because males are currently in short supply. Dating is a supply and
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As you know, I’ve just returned from a trip to Bali. I went there for the Write A Bestseller Retreat at Sharing Bali. I think I also mentioned in a previous post somewhere that I had never been interested in going to Bali, what with all the drunk Australians that are drawn to the island. Bali equalled Kuta equalled Bali, as far as I was concerned. I am here to tell you that Bali was one of THE best travel experiences I’ve ever had. If you have been following my escapades adventures on my travel blog, you’ll know that the
Continue reading...(And I’ve read so many…) Y’all have been reading this blog for a while. Y’all know that I’ve had such miserable and painful experiences in the love and relationships department that I decided to bow out, throw in the towel and resign myself to the fact that I am doomed to walk this planet alone. But what if I told you I have read a book that has literally made me rethink my I Am Doomed to Be Single Forever And Will Just Be A Crazy Cat Lady relationship status? That I am not crazy-mad-stupid for how I have previously tackled
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A friend of mine recently embarked on a potential relationship journey. She has been single for eight years (as long as me!) and has carefully thought through the type of man she wants to be with, and the circumstances in which a potential relationship may blossom. She is a woman in her early thirties—fit, healthy and attractive. Self-assured. She owns her home (in partnership with a bank, as do most of us), has a secure job and an social active life outside of work. She loves her family, friends and her dog. For all intents and purposes, she is quite
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Hands up all of you who have made New Year resolutions? I have in the past, but I usually don’t because I find it an exercise in futility. I mean, why wait all year to change a behaviour that needs changing, or improve your life if it needs improving? Surely if things needs to be addressed, they should be addressed sooner rather later? Later only means that stuff gets even more fossilised, ingrained, bolted on. Why decide to quit smoking or take up exercise in March and then, barring prohibitive and necessary things like surgery, wait another nine months to actually do the
Continue reading...I was sitting in a writer’s seminar on the weekend, bored out of my brain, wishing the presenter would up the pace and that my fellow participants* would just shut the fuck up. I had paid $60 for the privilege and I expected a lot more for my money than what was dished up. Actually, I wasted $120, because I attended another seminar on the same day (they were run as a tandem) which was only marginally better. I vowed never ever to attend seminars offered by this particular group ever again. Ever. I was over wasting my time and money**.
Continue reading...I’m nearly 51 years old. It has been around eight years since I’ve been in a relationship. I have only really ventured back into the world of dating in the last 12 months because it took me that long to feel ready again after aforementioned previous relationship. I have learned more in the last 12 months about dating—if you could call it that—than I have in all my 40ish years of dealing with boys and men. And I don’t like what I’ve learned. I’ve learned that things out there are ugly. Really ugly. Maybe it’s the demographic* I’m dealing with, or
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