Regular readers will know that my relationship with my mother was fraught, to say the least. It was characterised by restriction and control and violence. And fear. An overwhelming fear that I was not safe, would never be safe. And that I was not enough. Would never be enough. Of course, this is was from the perspective of a child but some 50 years later, I still bear the scars — scars that still weep with blood and tears in the right situation, which — usually and invariably — involves a man because attachment.
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Sunday Best is a curated list of articles I’ve read over the past week or so that I find enlightening, educational or just plain interesting. This week’s focus is on love, relationships and the dating game—all of which I’ve always struggled with. Enjoy! The mating game is changing You know how you think that it’s a man’s world when it comes to dating? Tinder, hook-ups, no commitment, few return phone calls or second dates? Turns out you were right and you weren’t imaging things, according to Psychology Today. It’s all because males are currently in short supply. Dating is a supply and
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A friend of mine recently embarked on a potential relationship journey. She has been single for eight years (as long as me!) and has carefully thought through the type of man she wants to be with, and the circumstances in which a potential relationship may blossom. She is a woman in her early thirties—fit, healthy and attractive. Self-assured. She owns her home (in partnership with a bank, as do most of us), has a secure job and an social active life outside of work. She loves her family, friends and her dog. For all intents and purposes, she is quite
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Hands up all of you who have made New Year resolutions? I have in the past, but I usually don’t because I find it an exercise in futility. I mean, why wait all year to change a behaviour that needs changing, or improve your life if it needs improving? Surely if things needs to be addressed, they should be addressed sooner rather later? Later only means that stuff gets even more fossilised, ingrained, bolted on. Why decide to quit smoking or take up exercise in March and then, barring prohibitive and necessary things like surgery, wait another nine months to actually do the
Continue reading...I’m nearly 51 years old. It has been around eight years since I’ve been in a relationship. I have only really ventured back into the world of dating in the last 12 months because it took me that long to feel ready again after aforementioned previous relationship. I have learned more in the last 12 months about dating—if you could call it that—than I have in all my 40ish years of dealing with boys and men. And I don’t like what I’ve learned. I’ve learned that things out there are ugly. Really ugly. Maybe it’s the demographic* I’m dealing with, or
Continue reading...One of my favourite sayings – and hence one I say an awful lot because it is a part of a veritable litany of Very Wise Stuff I Say – is Never Get Bitten By The Same Dog Twice. Not Getting Bitten By The Same Dog Twice is the ultimate in protective behaviour. If someone has done something once, they are bound to do it again because humans, if nothing else, are generally consistent. Being wary of the dog (human) that bit you once means you are less likely to be bitten by that same dog (human) again. It’s a metaphor that
Continue reading...Last week, and despite recent What’s my type? and It’s not me, it’s you and Very Wise Stuff I Say posts, I broke my own rules and I hooked up with someone* – something I don’t do very often at all. But hell, it was Christmas, I’d had a few drinks and it had been a while since I’d felt a man’s body next to mine. Breathed in the scent of a man’s skin. Been kissed by a man, long and deep. Or was wrapped up in a man’s arms, with my legs tangled around his. It was supposed to
Continue reading...This post was first published on 27 March, 2012. Nothing’s changed, except I have moved jobs, where I come into contact with more men BUT the issues are more or less the same as when I wrote this post originally. I did get stalked by a Texan sociopath in Greece, though. I have been single for close to five years, after having my heart broken by The Italian. (I have duct-taped the bits of my heart together, and while showing some signs of damage with cracks and leaks, is pretty much good to go again.). I have never been single
Continue reading...Warning: this post has a lot of swearing in it. It’s probably the most sweary one I’ve ever written. http://youtu.be/vFXCKQ7K2bs Earlier this year, I very nearly got involved with someone. He was an older man – recently separated from his wife – who I met through a MeetUp* group. He wasn’t really my type, as he was older than men I usually date (he was in his late 50s), but he had a charming English accent, was a warm and engaging conversationalist, and looked not unlike Richard Gere. He just seemed so damned nice. He kind of snuck up on
Continue reading...…or my (failed and flawed) foray into the world of romance! I had an “interesting” April, I must say. After being single for some time (and quite happy being so), I went out for drinks for a Twitter friend’s birthday, and met a man who I found interesting, charming and attractive. For all intents and purposes, I was pretty sure he felt the same way about me, because he was attentive and warm and made sure I was looked after the entire night. We really hit it off, and to cut a long story short, we ended up at my
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